Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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