yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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