WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
