Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my being single is dangerous.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize