she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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