coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
