"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
