She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just threw up on my dentist
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
