I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
