is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
