I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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