I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
