Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1