hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
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Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet