i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.