he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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