You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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