So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
