i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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