Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
