Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
