so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
