Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
