you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
