oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
