I didn't shave. On purpose
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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