well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
