have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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