Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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