help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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