so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
