Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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