Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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