i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
