Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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