the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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