I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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