i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You are the jesus of drinking
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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