1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me