So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
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and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore