Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed