i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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