I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
