Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.

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(541): View more from Oregon

So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap

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(623): View more from Arizona

So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.

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(818): View more from California

you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures

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Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(608): View more from Wisconsin

TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow

(802): View more from Vermont

Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow

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(816): View more from Missouri

I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry

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(786): View more from Florida

Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.

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