Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
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was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.