my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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