Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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