I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's blow job season.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My ass is underappreciated
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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