Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
