She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
