We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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