I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
