nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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