The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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