my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They took my balls.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
