yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
