Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
