i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
