It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
