A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
