So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
