so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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