I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
