The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
