New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How external is "for external use only"?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
