I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
