Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
