a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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