what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
