tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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