Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
