How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
