what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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