In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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