i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
