I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
