Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you didnt know i had herpes?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
