you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
