i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
