we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
