she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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