I wannas sexs uuuuu
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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