I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
